courses for this semester:
1. actually retaining html knowledge
2. hiragana phonetics
It’s not like being sad. sadness is much easier to define. there’s usually a trigger point, some event or person the sadness is tied to. you’ve understood sadness all your life.
depression just quietly ties a rope around your body and drags you away from your life. it doesn’t make you cry or frown. you just drift away. and it locks you in a glass sphere away from your hopes and dreams. from your loves. from anything that makes you happy. a dull, matte grey paint blankets over everything you own. it all just feels empty and dead. you want to go somewhere but nowhere seems like where you want to go. everything everywhere is motionless, lifeless. and after a while you aren’t even upset anymore. you’ve given in to living in a bubble. every once in a while something will come around and make you smile or laugh, but nothing can break the glass. you’re just trapped. hoping the medication or the cigarettes or the alcohol or the weed will wake you up one day to remember everything you were living for before. all the reasons you remember driving you to work at what you were working so hard at everyday seem blurred or stupid. you wish you could just remember why you wanted so badly to keep on living. what it was that made you so happy to be alive just the other day.
oh yeah i forgot i had a personal tumblr or whatever.
anyway, why can’t i be that designer that just uses helvetica all the time
what does it take to be that guy?
you can practice what you preach
but you still can’t preach to me
'case i already know the teachers.
if this post gets less than 2 notes i’m going to leave and hang out with real people.
I went and hung out with real people anyway
fuck the system
Life is a lot better now.
i hope i can keep this mentality for a while at least
until i get my feet on the ground
i feel like my mind is a balloon that i’m holding onto
and at some point when i’m not looking
someone will come and cut the string
and i won’t even notice until it’s far into the atmosphere
as actually crazy as this sounds, i don’t think i would have made it out of the mental hospital with any shred of sanity had i never played portal / portal 2.
it really changed my life.
i hope you’re reading this, Valve.
apparently it’s fine that christians turn secular genres of music into worship music, but when i make worship music with atheist themes, that’s way not cool dude.
i spend too much of my time being mad at stupid people for saying/doing stupid things. a lot of time.
this really is a problem for me.
i wish i could just walk away and think something like. “lol. this person is so dumb. lol.” but truthfully stupidity, ignorance, and other synonyms, feel like a really serious social issue to me. It’s why gays are being oppressed and why science seems “evil” to some people.
you can argue that religion and media etc are doing this to people but truthfully, they just promote these ideas, banking on the fact that you are stupid enough to jump on board with them.
i mean seriously. can we not just campaign against stupidity? instead of “social issues”. most social issues really just boil down to “can you really be this stupid and/or ignorant?” i mean i know obviously that would be weird like how could we actually do that but is “oh he’s just stupid” really an acceptable excuse still? in the era we live in?